Friday, July 14, 2017

Sakinah, mawaddah, warrahmah


Apa pasal aku makin cengeng eh lately?
Even the smallest thing, i cried. Aku mula open thoughts and feelings for almost all things.

Betul ke orang cakap, orang dah kahwin ni normal bergaduh, masam muka?
Especially bila dah tua-tua.
Sebab jemu ke? Dah takda manisnya kasih sayang?

Please tell me that is normal.

But, Allah janji siapa yang berkasih-sayang kerana-Nya akan bahagia. He never fails His words.
Or maybe, they did not love each other for Allah.
I don't have the right to judge, am I?

I couldn't avoid what i felt. What left in me is just fear. Fear to build family of my own.
Those 'what ifs' games play again.

I cried because i have seen 'love' in other places but not in mine. I cried because i am afraid. I am afraid if these things be the things Allah hate most. I love them both. I want the best for both of them. I love you both too much that my heart cannot handle this heartbroken feeling.

It's hurt when you know, you learned the facts how much Redha Allah depends on Redha Husband. It's hurt even harder when you don't know where and how fix it.
You just have to consume it all in you.

I should be mature enough to handle all these things, shouldn't I?
I can take all of these before, why i cannot for now, right?
Or actually my ignorance kill these feelings before?
Or maybe i thought all these were normal till i see the other side of it in another family and i start to compare and counting other people's blessing while forgetting mine?

Did I overthink these?

Yes. You had me crying because of these things.

Just a tips i got before i cried heavily


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